The Freak's Rating: F : Occasionally on the site I speak of films I consider to be palette cleansers, films that remind us of what truly awful cinema is. Splice is just that and barely worthy of further mention. Out of respect to the genre, I will continue to deconstruct, but the average movie-goer need go no further than this paragraph. For the fans...
Billed as a horror film, Splice fails on every level. Sure, look at the picture above and you see blood, but would you believe that moment in the film is supposed to be amusing? Outside of the final 5 minutes of the film, there is not a scare to be had, no violence, no jumpiness, nothing even close to the suspense shown in the trailer below. Hollywood has done a great job of beefing up a trailer with substance that just isn't there. This is not a horror film, it is only listed in that category on this site because IMDB has it in the same.
Fallen so far from his Academy Award in the last decade for his brilliant performance in The Pianist, Adrien Brody bottoms out his career with the lead in this picture. Sarah Polley, the horror genre's favorite actress since her turn in the 2003 Dawn of the Dead remake, is as dry as ever and every supporting role is as forgettable as ever.
Writing is awful in every scene. I have read more interesting lines on bathroom walls than any uttered during any phase of this crapfest. Direction is decent, given the material. I'm unsure I'd know how to frame a freak of nature sex scene, so I'd guess the director did a decent job. At least he had two to try different angles with. Yes, you read that right.
Every element of this picture is junk. It exists as only a palette cleanser as I mentioned above. Watch this and even the dumbest Nicolas Cage Disney pic will seem like an award winner in comparison.
