The Freak's Rating: D- : I have a problem failing horror movies. I like the genre and the film has far less it needs to accomplish to scate by in the D range. Sorority Row is a remake, one with little to offer other than a slew of hot chicks performing every cliche in the book as they attempt to escape from a brutal killer.
Rumor Willis, lovechild of Bruce Willis and Demi Moore, continues to annoy audiences as the little entitled child who has zero acting chops yet is given parts based solely on her last name. Willis is well aware of her lack of looks and apparently so are the bulk of Hollywood's casting directors. Willis was given a role as an ugly girl covered in back braces and metal in The House Bunny. She echoes that role here as the ugliest sorority sister I have ever seen.
Dialogue is precisely what one would expect from the film. When a star from MTV's The Hills plays one of the key parts, you expect nothing less. A personal favorite moment for me would have been immediately after the "prank" goes wrong and a character utters, "she wouldn't have wanted us to go down like this!". You're right numbskull. Your friend, who you just murdered, would be very considerate of how the situation turns out for the people who killed her.
I laugh every time a character hears a noise and walks towards it saying, "Hello?". Call me less-than-masculine, but if I'm all alone in a dark house and I hear a noise, I am running quickly in the opposite direction. I may even throw my arms around like a girl while I do it. And you know what? I will survive. Want to laugh at me? Go right ahead. I'll be the one outside the house getting in my car and driving away while the rest of you are slaughtered for being brave. Saying "hello?" and tracking the sound leads to certain death, usually by a weapon swinging around a blind corner striking you in the face/chest/neck. This should be common sense, but it is present in nearly every horror film made.
Sorority Row has perhaps the worst reveal I've seen all year. Hints of the killer's identity are so obvious, there is zero doubt it can be one of two people (one of whom it does turn out to be). There is little to no element of surprise at this reveal and when the killer's reasoning is explained, it is even less tolerable.
Carrie Fisher does have a turn as the house mother, a painful reminder of how hard she hit the wall. It is hard to imagine this same woman was once tied to Jabba The Hut in a male fantasy thrust onto screen. Oh Carrie, you should have simply faded away. So what keeps the film from a complete failure? It is hard to fail a film for casting hot chicks and having decent death sequences. For those reasons alone, it stays above an F, but just barely.
