Synopsis:

An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer.

The Freak's Rating: D : Whenever the credits begin to roll at the beginning of a film and the words "in partnership with Hasbro" come on the screen, you must roll your eyes a little bit, regardless of the subject matter.  Transformers had a similar opening and left a similar taste in your mouth.  What do toy companies have to do with movies and why in the world would anyone "partner" with them.  I'm sure that for the most part, the partnership was just a formality and a way for Hasbro to take a cut, but the cheesiness factor never quite leaves your thoughts.

Where Transformers: Revenge Of The Fallen succeeds and G.I. Joe fails is a potpouri of decency.  Not a single person expects to see G.I. Joe and have their ideals and morality questioned, grow spiritually or leave the theater appreciating their significant other.  It simply isn't that type of film.  G.I. Joe is meant to entertain on the most basic of levels, making us giggle at a few one-liners and likeable characters and be on the edge of our seat for action scenes.  Sadly, it fails to do so.

Dialogue is ridiculous here, sporting a line with "best of the best" being uttered mere seconds after the movie begins, setting the tone for a two hour ride of crap.  The film never recovers with so many retreads and cliches of the genre scattered about that predicting the next line becomes a piece of cake.  Joseph Gordon Levitt, one of my favorite actors, takes an enormous step backwards for me with his turn as Rex.  Marlon Wayans is entirely out of place as Ripcord and Dennis Quaid seems to be going through the motions as the General.  The beautiful Sienna Miller is hardly showcased as she ought to be and the remainder of the cast is relatively dry and emotionless.

There are two shining moments that keep this film from complete failure.  The invasion of Joe HQ is a nicely choreographed scene, with enough explosions and fight sequences to keep you entertained.  Perhaps the nicest moment of the film comes in the final minutes where two action sequences (one in air, the other in water) are edited together to keep the pace moving along.  This is a nice touch by the filmmakers that allow you to be immersed in all the goings on.

Characters fall incredibly flat and, with the exception of a nice explanation of Snake Eyes' past, are poorly developed.  The action figures succeeded because of pure good and evil, reasons most action figures do well.  The initial Transformers suffered many of the same flaws as G.I. Joe.  Characters connecting these people with Joe Six Pack were added and the sequel was a vast improvement.  In what will no doubt be the first of the franchise, G.I. Joe shoots itself in the foot repeatedly and never gains ground.  Here's hoping they take notes.

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